Praying a scary prayer

I like to pray easy prayers. You know the ones: “Please bless me. Forgive me for the things that are technically a sin but really aren’t that bad. Send your angels to watch over my family. And help the persecuted people all over the world. Amen.”

I’m not so good at praying a prayer like David prayed in Psalm 139:23: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

Asking God to search, to test, and to know my thoughts? Well, yikes, that’s a little scary. It’s getting a little personal. I’m not sure I really want God to be that involved in my head and heart, to truly know me. I don’t want him to see the yucky stuff. I don’t want him to think less of me. What’s really strange about that line of thinking is that it means I’ve somehow deluded myself into thinking that God doesn’t already know what’s in my mind. When, I know for a fact, that he does.

Because Jesus is my Savior and my Lord, I’m admitting that he has an intense interest in not only my eternal life but also my earthly life—even the secret part that I like to gloss over or hide or downplay. I’m confessing that I struggle and I need the peace that only he can give.

I bet you might need that kind of prayer too. So pray it with me: “Search me, know me, test me, Lord.”

Linda Buxa is a writer, Bible study leader, and retreat speaker. Her voice is heard regularly through her writing and blogging for Time of Grace. She is married to Greg, and they live in Wisconsin with their three active children.


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